I think everyone goes though a time where they feel sad, confused and alone, everyone deals with it differently. For me, I cut myself. I started doing this at the age of 18, id started college and entered a relationship with a guy whose jealousy pushed all my friends away, and whom occasionally used his fists if he didn't get his own way. I slowly sank into, what I can only describe as a big, black pit. The one person who I wanted to turn to, my best friend I felt would be so horrified by my actions that I pushed him away further. I felt confused and alone, like I was lost and had no control over my life. The only thing I could control was my body. I'd use anything from broken glass to staples to slice open my arms, legs and stomach. Doing what I could to equalise the pain I felt on the inside to the pain I created myself. This went on for five months before I pulled myself out of the pit. My friends helped me greatly, but I had to take the first step. Whatever anyone said to me throughout this time, like 'just don't worry about it' or 'get over it' didn't help. They were my feelings, I cant help them, what's worse I couldn't pin point what was making me feel like this. From this thought I learnt that A) there are other ways to deal with pain. B) If I want to do something I have to do it for myself and C) it makes you realise who your true friends are. So although my cuts have healed, I still have the scars, physically and emotionally, and although I sometimes want to reach out ant and grab nearest sharp object I don't. I'm still not happy. The cloud is still hanging over me, and although some days it seems a bit darker, there are days when I can see the sun. my advice to anyone in the same situation is; its incredibly easy to fall into a hole, but it takes a long time to get out. 2 years later I'm still not, and every now and then I slip back a bit, but keep trying and trying, and like I'm sure I will, you'll get out one day.

Teenage girl, aged 18

I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know what. She looked ill, she was quiet and pale. She seemed sad. She professed there was nothing wrong, kept me at arms length, closed up, wouldn't let me hug her. I felt worried and helpless but tried to keep on as usual. I became snappy and irritable with worry, restricted her freedom because I didn't know what was going on.

When I found out the shock was enormous, I was afraid and upset. I found it incomprehensible that my child, whom I had spent the whole of their lives loving and protecting, was harming, THEMSELVES. I couldn't believe she had done this in what I thought was the 'safety' of her own bedroom and I was totally ignorant of what had been going on. I had failed to protect her at the most basic level a mother should cover.

I felt that the person I had known and cared for had vanished and been replaced by someone I didn't recognise. Someone who was secretive, who lied and presented me with a mask they thought I wanted to see and not the true person underneath. Someone who couldn't talk to me. If she had done this without me knowing, what else had she been up to? I felt I couldn't trust her, my mind was crawling with worms of suspicion whenever she was out of my sight. I felt angry with her, did she hate me? Why was she doing this? I felt literally in torment and trapped by the secrecy because she was adamant she didn't want anyone else to know, that she was 'alright now' and wanted 'to get on with her life'.

I felt impotent as a mother, totally helpless, with my life spiralling out of control. I wanted to love and care for her, but she wouldn't let me near her. She was finally able to come to the self harming group at LCET which I felt was a huge step forward as she was finally able to open up and start sharing what she was going through.I have now come to realise, through prayer, patience, learning to trust her again, not bombarding her with questions all the time, giving her 'space', not focussing on how her actions were affecting me and just loving her no matter what, that she has been so troubled and full of pain for some reason that she has also been in torment, not just me. I realise that she had no intention of hurting us as parents but didn't know how to cope with her overwhelming feelings.

I got a book out of the library called 'Cutting' which explained self harming and had many case histories as examples. I read and found this book most helpful   to understand the pain my child had been going through. She read it also and hopefully found it useful to know there are others with the same problem. I feel more confident and at peace now that we will get through this as a family and will be stronger and closer for it.

Parent of self harmer

I began drinking just once or twice a week towards the end of high school. It was fun, exciting and brought with it a whole new confidence which was great, it was all harmless fun, it felt good so why not? It wasn't always easy getting hold of drink so I'd starve myself for days before going out which guaranteed a night being wasted no matter how little I could get my hands on. Drinking was the start of a whole new 'bad girl' in me and I plodded along for two years thinking I had it sorted, be charming, polite with the family, sing songs on a Sunday then when I was out my other half would come out to play. Suddenly it stopped working and life wasn't so good; I saw my parents as my worst enemies, home like a prison, college was pointless and boring, church restrictive, my boyfriend didn't want to know, my own company drove me insane, my friends helped but I didn't think they could understand. I felt totally empty and began to drink excessively but not with my friends anymore instead alone, I just wanted everything to stop.   Then I split up with my boyfriend I felt worthless and unloved. For   five months I wallowed in my pity constantly getting drunk in the evenings.   It was noticeable something was wrong, at college five of my seven tutors commented on my strange behaviour and rang home. They tried to arrange for me to see a counsellor but I'd refuse to go, seeing it as making me an official nutcase.  

My family were worried and sent me to the doctors not knowing what to do with me. I was having extreme mood swings, which were hard for those around me to keep up with and my personality swung in all directions - not that many could stick by me. Even then I couldn't see others concern or help but instead saw them as intruders. Finally I sank to an all time low, my one and only love had become drinking it had become my only companion, my very best friend and with that I'd never have to worry about anything or feeling lonely again - it seemed to ease the pain. Then I went on a family holiday and had nothing to drink for two days, I became really ill; vomiting, high temperature, shaking, tense muscles, headaches and my self-esteem sunk totally. I'd sunk so low and didn't know how to pick myself up, then I heard a reformed drug addict give his testimony on how he became a Christian, how he found true peace and contentment. With no other option I decided to try and give my life back to God, it was extremely hard as there were so many habits and lifestyles I'd picked up, found security in and couldn't easily drop. It's still hard now but its somewhere I'd never want to go back to and I'm just so grateful my life was sorted out before my drinking or other areas of my life became more out of control.

Teenage girl, aged 17